I haven’t written a blog in a long, long time and the first topic that seems to come to my head is you. Our anniversary of our forever friendship is coming up and memories are just flooding my head, so Gab, my first blog post in awhile is dedicated to you.
Gabby was a gift.
She managed to fill the lives of everyone she met with kindness, happiness, and love…however in the process of doing so, she forgot to fill her life with these qualities.
I hope you’re happy now, Gab. We all miss you. It’s been about a little over 3 months now and it’s crazy how we’re all still surviving without you. You’re irreplaceable. We’re each still coping with it in different ways, but we’re making it. Not a day goes by where something doesn’t remind me of you or you pop up in my head. I know while you’re up there, you’re watching over each and every one of us. I can’t help but see you in the sun and the moon and believe that that’s your way of telling me everything is okay because I know how much you dearly loved the sky. You found beauty in the simplicity of life and that’s how we always remember you.
It’s crazy to think that the last time I saw you was just less than a month before you decided it was time to leave us. I wish I knew the last time I was with you was going to be the last time. The last time I got to see your face. The last time I got to feel your hug. The last time I got to hear your voice. I wish I knew it was every last. I remember it all so clearly. November 18, 2016, we were supporting our sallies boys… just like we always do. That was how we had always bonded. I remember how that’s how we would always meet up and see each other. I can still picture how the night went. We were yelling into the phone trying to find each other from opposite sides of the stadium and you just kept telling me “I’m wearing a purple Patagonia and I’m standing up in the student section”. I remember the excitement that filled both of our faces when we saw each other, the huge hug that lasted an eternity because I hadn’t seen you in so long, the makeup complementing/picture taking ritual, and how at ease I felt with you. We watched some football, cheered on our boys, and caught up on everything that had been going on in life. I remember you had on these cute hoop earrings too and I think what I took away from you that night was your quote “the bigger the hoop the bigger the hoe” because it was just so you and it made me laugh so hard. I feel like the last moment I had with you was so easy going and filled with happiness because the universe wasn’t going to let us leave each other on sad terms. Yes, I wish I had spent more time with you then, talked to you more, knew how you were feeling.
I can’t help but feel some regret and responsibility for you leaving us. I knew how you felt. I knew what you were going through. I knew you trusted me. I wish I had been there for you more and made it more of a priority to see you and talk to you. You and I had been there so much for each other through our ups and downs from Josh and James to parties to our talks. All I can think about is how I wish I could’ve been there for you more. How I could’ve maybe helped stop you.
When you left us, my friend asked me “What was your favorite memory of her?” I had never thought much about it before he asked, but now it’s all I think about. I have a feeling it would’ve been your favorite memory too. I told him it was the first time I actually met you, at Sallies prom. Yes, we had been friends before that, texting each other freaking out about how we wouldn’t know anyone there, what dress we were wearing, and sending each other pictures of how incredibly bored we were at the dinner. I had no idea where you were but all of the sudden, you somehow found me and snuck up behind me. I remember turning around and thinking “Oh my God, she’s stunning” and the first words coming out of your mouth being “I’m so high right now.” I couldn’t help but start laughing because at that moment, I knew we were going to be best friends, and I was right. I remember me helping you dance the cupid shuffle the rest of the night, saving you from being left alone when Josh went off, and all the pictures we “just had to take”. From then on, you always filled my life with joy and made everything seem easier.
You’ve brought so many people together, Gab. I know you’ll never read this but I hope you know you are not an easy person to say goodbye to. I want so badly to run up to you with excitement, give you a hug, and catch up on just about everything. I can still picture the past few months so clearly. I remember all the emotions I felt when I first found out you were gone. When I got multiple texts in the middle of class asking me “you’re friends with Gabby right? is it true?” and how I had no idea what they were talking about until I texted Joe and heard the news. I remember how I couldn’t stop shaking, my legs wouldn’t stay still and my body uncontrollably trembled, and how I never cried because I was too numb to until it finally hit me a few days later. I remember how your funeral was packed, how your casket was just as beautiful as you, and how everyone’s tears at your burial were so genuine. I do know that you are so much happier up there and you’re finally at peace with yourself, which takes a bit of the sorrow and weight off of my shoulders. You’re now my guardian angel Gab and I know that no matter what, you’ll always be up there watching over me, helping me get through life, loving me, and listening to me. You’ll want me to experience everything and live my life to the fullest, and in your honor, I intend to do so. I’ll always look at the moon or the sun and think of you and the brightness you filled my life with. It’s what I’ll hold on to until I see you again someday, lovebug.
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